and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
