epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
