Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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