I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
