You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
