Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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