found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
