Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
