I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
