redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
