everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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