Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you had me at cake vodka
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
