Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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