I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
