i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
