When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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