so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
