There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize