why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
