I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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