I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
