I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
