My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
