3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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