I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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