I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
