Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
