Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
