i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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im calling her cock vulture from now on
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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