my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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