I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
