there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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