Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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