Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she told me i tasted like america
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
