I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
