i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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