omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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