Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
