My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
