I wanna passion pit in your ass
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize