Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
