glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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