Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
