ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
