you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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