So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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