but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
