Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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