Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
