When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
