Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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