after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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