So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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