Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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