I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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