I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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