Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
