i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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