My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
