Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
