And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
