I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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