So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
